Helicopters, Cars And Taxi Cabs — The COVID Snowbird Express

So I theoretically bump into this savvy, semi-fictional, seniors couple in the town of Fort Erie and…
“Hey! You’re American! How’d you get across the border?”
“We’re not Americans, we’re Canadians.”
“Then why are you wearing ‘Make America Great Again’ hats?”
“We just spent five months in Florida. Those hats probably saved our lives!.”
“Okay, so you’re Canadians but how did you get across the border?”
“Buffalo Airport Taxi. Hundred bucks, thirty minutes, there to here.”
“And you told the customs people you were Canadians?”
“Well, we told the American Homeland Security guy that we were Americans driving to our second home in Alaska.”
“And he believed you?”
“He was a little suspicious about the $34,000 cab fare to Anchorage but anyhow, he let us go.”
“And at Canada Customs?”
“There were so many Buffalo taxis lined up, they just asked us if we were carrying firearms or alcohol and let us through.”
“We’re against guns.”
“So you flew from Florida to Buffalo and…”
“No, we drove from Florida and left our car at the Buffalo Airport.”
“Because if we flew from Florida to Toronto as we planned to do, we would have to spend three nights at a ‘quarantine hotel’ at $3,000 each.”
“Plus, it’s been scientifically proven that COVID-19 and its variants cannot be spread in a taxi cab. So, your car is still at the Buffalo Airport?”
“No, here comes our car right now. Cheektowaga Drive Away Service, hundred bucks, thirty minutes, from there to here.”
“Let me guess, an essential service?”
“Well, it was essential to us. The taxi was an extra $300 to take us all the way home to Toronto.”
“So, once you have your car you’ll drive straight home and self-quarantine for 14 days?”
“Yeah, straight home with no more than a dozen friends and family in the house for the first week and only neighbourhood get togethers and a Kentucky Derby party in week two.”
“That’s crazy!”
“It worked in Florida!”
“Just so you know, you’re walking into the worst pandemic wave yet in Ontario. Four thousand new cases a day, everything’s locked down, the hospitals are overwhelmed and shelter in place is the law.”
“In Florida we survived Governor Ron DeSantis, Spring Break and hydroxychloroquine. If you refused to get a vaccine they gave you tickets to a Rays game and with a purchase of fifty dollars or more at Piggly Wiggly, you got a free body bag. We’ve seen worse.”
“Let’s hope Doug Ford never hears about that body bag promotion.”
“We can’t wait to see the grandkids.”
“Yeah, five months is a long time.”
“Oh no, they drove up from Florida with us since March Break is now in April.”
“Let me guess, they’re in the trunk?”
“Heavens no, we put them on a helicopter for the ride from Buffalo to the Island Airport in Toronto.”
“Essential service?”
“They’re twins. It was their birthday gift.”
“So, I’m a little confused. You drive from Florida to the Buffalo Airport, put the kids on a helicopter to Toronto, take a taxi into Canada and hire a driver’s service to bring your car across the border.”
“You think you’re confused, you should have seen the look on the faces of all those Americans at the Buffalo Airport trying to hail a cab.”
“Is that about it?”
“Actually, we didn’t drive our car up from Florida. Our son did.”
“Well, what happened to him?”
“He’s in the trunk.”
“Are you sure he’s still in the trunk?”
“Well, we’ll know when we get home.”
“Drive fast.”
“Stay safe.”
“Welcome back to Canada.” Where the new UK variant is causing enlargement of loopholes in our anti-COVID rules and ‘openings’ and ‘closings’ of schools and businesses are operating on the principle of a busy toilet seat.

For a comment or a signed copy of The Dog Rules – Damn Near Everything
email: williamjthomas@gmail.com

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