Puppy Sales And Dognapping Win Recent Headline Wars

If you only read recent newspaper headlines… “Man Sits In Bean Dip For 24 Hours To Promote Restaurant”… you might think… “Couple Caught With Rattlesnake, Uranium And Whiskey In Stolen Car”… that the whole bloody world… “Man In India Killed By His Own Cockfight Rooster”… including our youth… “Boy Jumps Into Garbage Truck Compactor Says He Wanted To Be A Mashed Potato”… was going… “Canada Goose Plays In Center Field During Major League Baseball Game”… completely mad!
And of course “Lady Gaga’s Dog Walker Shot, Two Dogs Stolen” would confirm that thought. What the hell is going on here?
I understand the headline: “Border Collie Becomes World’s Most Expensive Sheepdog With $47,000 Price Tag.” Bit pricey, wot? Kim, not yet one, is herding animals in Wales at the level of a three-year-old collie or to put that in human years, she is operating at the same intelligence level as a 21-year-old college student now surfing a mosh pit on a Florida beach during March Break.
I even understand: “Nashville Man Leaves $5 Million To Pet Border Collie.” Rich guy, never married, Lulu was the love of his life. Border collies are so smart, Lulu will likely invest her money in a company that makes plant-based meat for dog food or start a canine dating app for rich and lonely females.
But who in dog’s name shoots a dog walker and runs off with the dogs?!? Ryan Fischer will live and Lady Gaga’s two French Bulldogs, Bradley and Cooper, have been returned to her unharmed.
In this past year the demand for canines, young and old, has gone completely insane and sadly, it has been matched by the incidence of dognapping.
In November the same thieves who assaulted a woman selling puppies in Barrie but fled when they spotted an OPP cruiser, later succeeded in stealing a Maltese Poodle puppy from a breeder in Mississauga at gunpoint.
In Brampton, a women selling two bulldogs was dragged by a car after the thieves took off with the puppies and she caught up to them at the stoplight. Also in Brampton, a guy who had agreed to the price of a nine-week-old American bulldog suddenly pulled a gun and ran off with the dog… shooting himself in the leg as he fled. In this case of self-inflicted justice, the headline read: “Puppy Bandit Pooched.”
Wanna-be owners are getting into bidding wars over puppies, some of which are selling for as much as $5,000! Headline in today’s Toronto Star: “Pick The Right Pup For Your Lifestyle.” Are you kidding me? How about: “Pick The Right Pup According To Your Life Savings!”
A word to the designer-dog crowd — mutts (dogs of four known breeds or more) are cheaper, healthier, longer-living and more loveable.
After purchasing puppies at these outrageous prices, many owners are left dealing with puppy mill rejects, diseased animals and breeds different than what they paid for. Who pays thousands of dollars for a pet?!? Apparently people who have been cooped up way too long and are all caught up in a very bad trend of having a dog because everybody else has one.
Humane Societies are running adoption lotteries, breeders are working their bitches overtime and puppy mills are running three shifts a day. This is all so wrong and happening so fast it seems we’re all just standing by and watching innocent animals being mass produced and passed around like chattel. At what point did COVID-19 loneliness turn man’s best friend into a bestselling, black market product?
Anything so poorly organized and happening with such dangerous side effects can’t last. Within the year many of these puppies will be back in the cages of humane societies because money and desperation does not make a responsible pet owner.
To make matters worse another Disney Dalmatian movie is due out at the end of May, so thousands of these high strung little ‘biters’ will be bred, bought and then dropped off at rescue centres.
This pandemic has not just made people lonely, it’s made an awful lot of us looney.
Long before the pandemic set in I began a search to replace my beloved Jake. Got him almost to 19, I did, with walks, bum rubs and a measured amount of beer. I already had a name for the new one: “No! No! You’re No Jake!” Travelling less I had more time to be a good pet owner. It didn’t work out but I am still trying.
I’m serious when I say I’m looking to adopt two dogs — a big one for me and a small one for my sister. Prospective owners of ‘our’ dogs or puppies must not have a history of armed robbery and should be old enough to remember the popular headline in the Classified Ad section: “Free To A Good Home.”
Oh, and that rooster that killed his owner in India? Although cockfighting is illegal in India, it’s still very popular. Typically, fighting cocks are armed with three-inch blades strapped to their legs. In this case it appears the 45-year-old man was holding his combatant and giving him a pep talk when the rooster lashed out and stabbed him… you guessed it… right in the wedding tackle! Somehow I don’t believe this was an accident.
So the pandemic that began with a run on toilet paper ends with people hoarding pets!?! Good Lord, the more I hear about intelligent life in outer space, the more I hope they get here soon.
For a comment or a copy of The True Story Of Wainfleet email: williamjthomas@gmail.com

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