Crazy, Curious And Witty Things Were Said In 2021

Really famous people made some outrageously false statements last year.
After the horrific chaos at Afghanistan’s Kabul airport which saw thousands of desperate people swarming departing planes and some falling from the fuselage was followed by a suicide bombing that killed 13 American military members and 180 Afghan citizens then a mistaken US drone strike that killed ten innocent civilians including seven children — on the defence, President Joe Biden characterized the operation as a… “success”.
A good man and a practicing Catholic I can’t imagine Biden ending up in Hell but if somehow he did, upon hearing the screams, smelling the burning flesh and seeing zombie-like lost souls wandering around his first word would probably be “sweet”.
Almost one-upping the president, Alec Baldwin, actor and producer on the movie set of Rust where several weapon misfirings occurred, real bullets got mixed up with blanks, crew members mutinied and Baldwin himself accidentally shot and killed the cinematographer and wounded the director — he described his team as a… “well-oiled machine”.
By Baldwin’s standards that transatlantic crossing of the Hindenburg would have been “a smooth and uneventful flight”.
When Greenbay Packer Aaron Rodgers said: “If the vaccine is so great, why can vaccinated people still get COVID” after he lied about being vaccinated but before he came down with the virus, he proved that you can be too stupid to be considered a person and still be a helluva quarterback.
Where better to put last year in perspective than the hugely popular social video network of Tik Tok. Example: “I just realized 2021 backwards is 2012.” Yeah, that’s amazing. And by adding one year to last year, 2021, next year, 2022 backwards will be 2013! Oh, how the years go by.
More Tik Tok math: “People born in 2003 are 23 now. That’s crazy.” Yeah, and thank’s to the stress and isolation of the last two years, they look at least four years older than they are. Tik Tock – two “c’s” short of ‘accuracy’.
People who died last year left us with things to ponder down the line.
Larry King who passed away a year ago said: “I used to say if CNN called with an emergency and my wife called with an emergency, I’d call CNN back first.” Not so much cold-hearted as expedient, Larry would have had to rifle through his little black book of matrimony to figure out which of his eight wives to call.
Although referring to a dismal soccer match, Gaelic football legend Pat Spillane unintentionally described our COVID-corrupted 2021 when he said: “The first half was even. The second half was even worse.”
Canadian comedian Norm Macdonald passed away believing he had cheated the Grim Reaper out of a final victory. “I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that if you die, then the cancer also dies at the same time. That to me is not a loss. That’s a draw.” Following that line of logic, would suicide be a win?
I knew it’s wrong to think these thoughts but as Montreal-born comedian, Mort Sahl, who died last fall at 94 said: “I’m for capital punishment. You’ve got to execute people — how else are they going to learn?”
“I have left a legacy of shame.” Whereas many who go to prison to find God, Bernie Madoff, the Ponzi scheme operator who fraudulently amassed $64 billion from friends and colleagues… found truth. Way too late for those who trusted him but a ‘hail Mary pass’ is always a great way to end the game.
Hester Ford, the oldest person in America and maybe on earth died last year at 115 years of age. (Former Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion called her a “show off”.) Hester survived two pandemics, two world wars and 21 presidents. Her secret: “I just live right, all I know.”
Now, with so many in society determined to live wrong — mistrusting and attacking our medical experts, believing in conspiracy theories, embracing racism and authoritarianism — we might have to enact Hester’s words into law and charge those who wilfully violate codes of conduct with a crime.
Sad that it might come to that but did you ever think a small group of uneducated naysayers could hold a society hostage with lies disguised as ‘alternative facts’ and personal attacks passed off as protests. The police apparently can’t see the difference. In 2021 ‘the greater good’ was sabotaged by an angry band of uncaring self-servers.
What with all the lockdowns of places where people gathered combined with the increase of self-medication with alcohol, maybe 2021 could best be summed up with the misconception: “Gym!!! I thought you said gin!!!”
So here’s to a new year, new beginnings and renewed hope. “Out with the old and in with the new”, as the saying goes. Except, not to damper your enthusiasm but it’s believed that particular phrase originated from vomiting after overcelebrating on New Year’s Eve. Just sayin’.
After we’ve all felt so duped, disillusioned and lied to over these past two COVID-clouded years that in 2022 I resolve to be deceived just one day at a time.

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